I'll be there for you
by Soofija
Summary: Songfic, based on the song I'll be there for you by Bon Jovi. Hermione has had enough and decides to leave Sirius.


**Disclaimer: **I don't not own Harry Potter or any HP-related characters that can be found in this text, they all belong to JK Rowling, her publishers and Warner Bros. Neither do I own the lyrics, which are the property of their maker. (Honestly!)

**Author's notes:** Wow, I wrote another one. I do that all the time nowadays. So this one is based on the song "I'll be there for you" by Bon Jovi (great song, by the way), and I'm really quite proud of it. Now intention of writing a sequel, sorry, but read this one anyway ;-)

Enjoy!

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The moment Sirius entered their apartment, he knew that something was wrong. Maybe it was his animagus' senses, or maybe the fact that she didn't greet him back when he called his usual 'hello'. But most likely it was the suitcase just inside the door that he almost tripped over that made him sure.

"Hermione?" No answer. He dropped his cloak in a chair and proceeded up the stairs into their combined kitchen and living room, once more calling her name.

The sound of drawers being opened and closed made him walk towards their bedroom.

"Baby?"

Hermione was walking in a hurry between their closet and a second opened suitcase on the bed into which she was neatly folding her clothes. She didn't even look up when he entered the room.

"Baby, what are you doing?"

"I'm leaving," she answered calmly, still not looking at him.

He fought to hide a smile and leaned up against the doorframe comfortably.

"Is that so?" he asked softly. "And what's the reason this time?"

She merely gave him a tired look and continued packing.

_**I guess this time you're really leaving  
**__**I heard your suitcase say goodbye  
**__**And as my broken heart lies bleeding  
**__**You say true love is suicide **_

_They'd looked at each other from opposite sides of the room for the entire evening. He'd been occupied the whole time, talking to this person and that. Everyone wanted to have a word with the infamous Sirius Black and, after all, it'd been his "coming back from the dead"-party. But as the band had called the final dance, she'd finally downe__d the last of her drink and gone over to him._

"_Got a minute to spare?" she'd asked with a far more confident and sensual voice than she'd felt capable of using, nodding towards the already crowded dance floor._

"_For you, always," he'd answered, putting his glass down on a nearby table and, with a hand placed possessively on her lower back, had guided her into the crowd._

"_Does it feel good to be back?" she'd asked when a moment later she was being held safely in his arms and swaying slowly to the music._

"_Since I don't know what I've missed I can't really tell," he'd answered with a wolfish grin. "But right now it feels pretty alright." The hand on her lower back had pressed her more firmly against him, and he'd bent down to whisper in her ear, "You look stunning tonight."_

_She'd forced herself to hide her smile when she'd pulled back to look at him._

"_Why Mr Black, are you flirting with me?" she'd gasped, pretending to be offended._

_His grin had been downright smug. "Baby, if I were flirting with you, you wouldn't have to ask."_

"_I didn't, I was just making conversation." She'd smiled innocently and started caressing the one of his hands she'd held in hers with her thumb._

_He'd glanced down at their entwined hands, not by any means betraying what he'd been thinking. Then he'd started guiding her through the crowd towards the exits._

_**You say you've cried a thousand rivers  
**__**And now you're swimming for the shore  
**__**You left me drowning in my tears  
**__**And you won't save me anymore  
**__**Now I'm praying to God you'll give me one more chance, girl**_

A nagging suspicion was starting to grow inside him. Maybe she really was serious this time. Maybe she really was leaving. He pushed that feeling to the side.

"Baby, just calm down and let's talk about this." He pushed himself off the wall and walked slowly towards her.

Hermione bowed her head low over the suitcase on the bed. "No, Sirius," she sighed. "There's nothing to talk about. You won't let me in anymore."

"Let you in? Let you in _where_?" His temper was starting to rise, way too fast as always, much as a reaction to his frustration at her distance. "You already know everything about me."

"No, Sirius, I don't." She'd turned towards him. "You still have nightmares; I wake up to your screaming at night. And I try to comfort you, but you won't let me. You push me away, love, and I'm tired of fighting for a lost cause."

He took a deep breath to calm himself. "Hermione, why are you so desperate to be let in? There's nothing you can win by knowing everything about my dark past."

Hermione looked sadly at him, and then turned around to close her suitcase. "If that is your opinion on the matter, we have nothing more to discuss."

_**I'll be there for you  
**__**These five words I swear to you  
**__**When you breathe I want to be the air for you  
**__**I'll be there for you  
**__**I'd live and I'd die for you  
**__**Steal the sun from the sky for you  
**__**Words can't say what a love can do  
**__**I'll be there for you**_

_He'd watched her sleep that first night, and many nights to follow. What had started out as an alcohol induced one night stand had continued as dating and great sex. They'd been comfortable in each other's company, none of them voicing the possibility that this might be "the real thing", just taking it day by day._

_Then one night, about three months after the party, he'd as always watched her sleep, something he'd started doing every night because the knowledge that she lay beside him made him sleep safer. And for the first time since before James and Lily had been killed, he'd been completely happy. Maybe this could work out. Maybe they could really do this. This angel that lay beside him had shown she was willing to share his evenings, his weekends and his bed, maybe she would be able to share his house too, someday maybe even his life?_

_He hadn't told her, of course. Sirius Black did not show feelings, let alone feelings of any kind of love. But she had moved in with him, and that night he'd made love to her more tenderly than even he'd know he could._

_**I know you know we've had some good times  
**__**Now they have their own hiding place  
**__**I can promise you tomorrow  
**__**But I can't buy back yesterday **_

Looking back at that dialogue in the bedroom, he wished he'd slammed his fist against the wall and started yelling at her. Perhaps that would have woken her up, would have made her drop that ridiculous Ministry-voice.

He wished he'd taken her by the shoulders and shook some sense into her. Maybe that would have brought back _his_ Hermione, who somehow had been replaced by this ice queen.

The thought even crossed his mind that if he'd just let her be, sat down on the couch with the newspaper and a glass of Fire Whiskey, maybe then she would have been provoked. Maybe that would have made _her_ yell at _him._

But most of all, above the yelling and the shaking and the distance, more than that he wished he'd taken her into his arms. Even if she'd pushed him away, hit him, kicked him, bit him, even if she'd just stood there, cold and unfeeling, he whished he'd held her, to feel her against him one more time. For the last time.

_**And**__** baby you know my hands are dirty  
**__**But I wanted to be your valentine  
**__**I'll be the water when you get thirsty, baby  
**__**When you get drunk, I'll be the wine**_

He followed her when she carried the suitcase down the stars and into the hall.

"I'm not perfect, Hermione," he tried.

"That's not the point, Sirius. No-one is perfect, and if they were I wouldn't want them anyhow." She put the suitcase down on the floor next to the other one. "The point is that you're as far from perfect as anyone can be."

"Is this about you birthday again? Because I already told you a hundred times how sorry I am. I really wish I could have been there to hold your hand when you blew out the candles."

She sighed and started to put on her scarf. "No, it's not about my birthday, I already forgave you for that. Sirius, I-" She actually stopped moving when she talked to him this time. "I can't keep spending my energy and love on someone who can't promise me a real future." Her face was full of hurt. "You can't even say you love me."

Sirius felt the helplessness wash over him. "Please, don't ask that of me," he pleaded. "I'm here for you, Hermione, whenever you need me. I'll give you the sun and moon if you ask me, but-" He really sucked at expressing his emotions. "You know enough about my past to know that what you ask of me is too much. Maybe one day, in the future, I'll be able to…to commit…to you. But right now is too soon." He hesitated. "Maybe one day. But right now I can't tell you what you want to hear."

She put on her cloak. "I know." She pulled out her wand and pointed it at her bags to levitate them. "That's why I'm leaving." She opened the door with another flick of her wand and, with one last look at him, she walked out.

_**I'll be there for you  
**__**These five words I swear to you  
**__**When you breathe I want to be the air for you  
**__**I'll be there for you  
**__**I'd live and I'd die for you  
**__**Steal the sun from the sky for you  
**__**Words can't say what a love can do  
**__**I'll be there for you**_

Sirius flipped down on the couch with a glass in one hand and a bottle of Ogden's Old Fire Whiskey in the other.

_She'll come back_ he tried to convince himself. _She always does._ And it was true. This wasn't the first time Hermione had walked out on him. It was more like the 100th. Mostly she'd grab her cloak after one of their many fights and apparate to Harry and Ginny's or to her parents' to spend the night. But she'd always come back in the morning and they'd kiss and apologize and spend the rest of the day in bed making love.

The fact that she'd never before packed her bags slipped his mind.

They always fought over the same things. Well, almost always. Sometimes they fought over really small things, like when Sirius forgot to put his dirty socks in the laundry basket, or when Hermione went to see Ron or Victor and just _forgot_ to tell him. But sometimes they fought over really big things, like the fact that Sirius would never tell her he loved her. She couldn't understand why. And he wouldn't tell her. The truth was so embarrassing that sometimes he hardly dared to think it. But the fact was, he was afraid that saying he loved her out loud would drive her away. And it would also make it all so much more real, it would mean he was in a real relationship.

He'd told Remus about this, once, and his only reply had been, "You need to grow up, mate, or else you'll lose her." Sirius hated when Remus was right.

Looking between his two hands, Sirius finally put away the glass and went straight for the bottle, taking a long swig. The liquor burned its way down his throat and he smiled. _A few more of these and she'll be out of my mind._

_**And I wasn't there when you were happy  
**__**I wasn't there when you were down  
**__**I didn't mean to miss your birthday, baby  
**__**I wish I'd seen you blow those candles out **_

She didn't disappear. On the contrary, their two years together became more and more real as the bottle grew more and more empty. _He loved her, goddamn it, why didn't she see that?_ That little annoying voice in the back of his head chose this exact moment to wake up and share his thoughts on the matter.

_You never told her._

"But she should have known anyway. What about all the things I've done for her? When she got drunk at Arthur's birthday party and I held her hair while she threw up and then carried her home? Or when I spent Christmas with her parents and grandparents? Or when I took her to France for her birthday? Actions speak louder than words!"

_Yes, yes, you've done a lot for her.__ But you were never there when she really, truly needed you._

"I could change all of that if she'd just give me a chance! I'd hold her when she cries, I'd laugh with her, I'd listen to her thoughts and opinions. I'd take care of her when she's sick, let her have her peace and quiet when she wants it. Hell, someday I might even have married her and have children with her-"

_Why didn't you tell __**her **__all these things? Why won't you tell her you love her?_

"I'll be there for her."

_**I'll be there for you  
**__**These five words I swear to you  
**__**When you breathe I want to be the air for you  
**__**I'll be there for you  
**__**I'd live and I'd die for you  
**__**Steal the sun from the sky for you  
**__**Words can't say what a love can do  
**__**I'll be there for you**_

_She'd taken him to Hyde Park, even though she knew__ he hated walking, especially the holding-hands-and-stopping-every-now-and-then-to-kiss kind. But he'd gone with her, because he wanted to see her smile._

_It had been a lovely autumn's day, the sun shining down upon them through trees covered in yellow, brown and red leaves. They'd walked along the paths, surrounded by Muggles. Children had been running around, chasing each other, runners with little black things attached to chords in their ears, dog walkers of all ages… It had hit him that this was where she came from, this was her world. At least partly._

_She hadn't taken his hand, hadn't tried to kiss him. Not in any way had she forced him into the romantic nonsense she knew he hated. She'd just walked at his side, talking about this and that, things that had happened during her week at work at St. Mungo's, or news about her parents, or the Weasleys, or just random thoughts that crossed her mind._

_Sirius had barely listened to her; instead he'd been watching the men they'd walked past. Young, old, single, married. All of them, with very few exceptions, had been eyeing Hermione up and down, their gazes lingering on her breasts and then, when they'd passed each other, they'd turned around to ogle her bum. This had caused a very strange feeling to overwhelm Sirius. It had not been jealousy, oh no. It had been pride. Pride that other men ogled this wonderful creature, and then glared at him in envy because she was walking next to him. His heart had positively swelled with pride, and he'd reached out and put his arm around her shoulders and pulled her close. It had felt good, seeing other men's envy deepening even more, and feeling her body next to his and knowing, without a doubt _"she's mine"

_She'd looked up at him, surprised and smiling, when he'd pulled her close, and he'd smiled back at her. And she'd put her arm around his waist and rested her head on his shoulder._

_Yes, it had been a lovely autumn's day._

_**The End****

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**_**Author's notes: **Read it? Liked it? Reveiw!!! 


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